Today we have a guest post from Ember who blogs at An Intentional Lifestyle. Ember is an extreme optimist who writes about finding joy and enjoying the journey each day. She, along with her husband and 3 kids, work towards FI on a single income, dishing out frugal and financial tips along the way. With a dose of southern hospitality, she shares marriage and parenting advice from their own life adventures on An Intentional Lifestyle.
Financial independence is the big goal many of us have set. To get there takes a whole lot of work and even more sacrifice. No, we don’t live in boxes or eat beans for every meal (at least, not all of us do that). But to retire early, with savings and the ability to still live after, takes more than many know. We set up calculations and countdowns to see when the big day will be here, doing a jig every time the ticker gets a bit closer. And this is all great! It keeps us motivated and focused to meet that goal.
But no matter how much we want it, there is always a line. A line that is drawn for what we are willing to give up for that dream, and what we’re not willing to give up, because we want to enjoy the journey. That line looks different for everyone. Some may have very few things they care to enjoy along the way, while others may have too many and need to rethink and prioritize what’s worth it.
We drew our line 6 years ago, when we started our debt free journey not long after our daughter was born. We knew we wanted to retire early, but we also knew that we couldn’t stay focused without enjoying the ride. What did we feel was worth slowing down our FI journey?
5 Things We Refuse To Give Up To Retire Early
1. Kids
I know many people feel anxious to have kids before they meet their FI goal. But for us, having kids now rather than later was always the plan (although my husband probably didn’t expect them so fast….or so close). We started having kids at 22, and had 3 in 5 years. We were done at the age of 27. In case you don’t want to do the math, we will be empty nesters, enjoying the FI goodness when we are 44.
We know kids will slow us down when it comes to our goal. They do cost, although not near what so many think they do. But they bring an unimaginable joy to work, travel, and general day to day living that we all do.
Let me be honest. They will and do drive you insane on a regular basis. But, seriously, they are worth a bit more time to reach the goal.
2. Travel
We have a bucket list goal of visiting all 50 states (not to mention all the travel abroad we want to do). So we have a whole lot of traveling to do in our lifetime. And we don’t want to wait until we are FI, 44, and wealthy to do it.
Traveling doesn’t have to cost a ton. With our kids all being young, we choose to stay within about a 3-5 hour distance from our home (for sanity’s sake). But that still leaves lots of opportunities to see and do things. We have most of the Southeast taken care of state wise, but have much more to explore within each state.
There are tons of tricks many frugal-minded individuals use, from air miles to credit card hacks, there are so many ways you can travel without spending much at all. We love seeing new or even places we’ve been through our kids’ eyes. Nothing like hearing your kids say “Butt!” (loudly, might I add) while staring at a naked statue to make you appreciate how kids make things fun. Traveling makes life even more interesting, and worth doing now, not waiting.
3.Eating Out
Oh boy. This is something most frugal people are against. But we have such an addiction to eating out. We’ve learned hacks to make it a cheaper thing to do, although never healthier.
Our habit started in college, when I worked as a server and got a discount on my meals. My husband would come visit and bring food some nights, or we would go out after I got off. Plus, it was college. What else did you do? We may have been the odd married couple in college, but we still didn’t want to stay in every night.
That’s how it started, and although we’ve slowed down a good bit since having kids, we still eat out. We budget it in each month, because it’s something we enjoy doing. Joy, y’all. Always keep joy in what you choose to spend your money on.
4. Pets
As I type this, I hear the snores of our two dogs. One giant Labradane that we’ve had for 8 years, one little Aussie/collie pup who was a recent birthday present to my husband. The Labradane was a “free” pup from my sister’s dog. I use that term lightly because free isn’t in the realm of reality for pets. Between vet visits, kennel, food, toys, and the cost of replacing fences (the joy of a lightning storm blowing an invisible fence circuit)….. a free dog’s price goes up fast.
The newest addition cost us $150.
Why in the world did we choose to pay for a dog?
Everyone tells you to adopt, adopt, adopt. But adopting isn’t like it used to be. These days, you’re paying way more, up to $300 or more sometimes for a dog that just needs a home. So instead, I chose to get a dog my husband has always had, and he is smitten with her. All the same costs go into her as went into the “free” dog, racking up an even bigger price tag, most likely.
So, given all these expenses, why have a pet?
That’s simple. I’ve always loved, and felt safer, with a dog. I grew up with tons of animals, and my husband grew up with none. His dream was always to have a dog. And now can’t imagine not having one, despite the additional price tag that comes with it. We find happiness is the floofy fur coats of these animals. Happiness is key. And it beats out the expense.
5. SAHM/Choosing one income
So this one is a biggie, which is why I chose to save it for last. The choice of becoming a SAHM/one income family was really hard (for me, not my husband).
See, I am a workaholic, and truly love seeing the results of what I do. When we had our daughter, we lived away from family, knew no one, and were only 22. So for us, choosing to become a SAHM seemed like the only, but also the best, choice for our family. That doesn’t mean it was an easy choice. I have struggled and fought my way through working from home failures, because I haven’t been able to accept that I’m a SAHM (still don’t—thus, the blog).
But being at home with our kids made me available to homeschool our kids when we felt God calling us to that. It was difficult again, to do that (although for all sorts of other reasons). Being home has given our family the firm foundation to grow the way it has. My husband has been able to put his all into his job, to move up and earn more, to be his best because he feels secure in the knowledge that:
- The kids are being taken care of
- Our family is doing what we need to do
- Our finances and focus is on what we feel is important
Why? Because I am available to help us do that.
I’m not saying that being a two income family is bad or wrong. For us, it has made us happier and more productive. We feel like we are more able to make a difference in our children’s lives and can focus on each other more when we’re together, because we’ve still put into our family what they need. My husband’s career has moved up and fast, still putting us on course to retire early by the time he’s 40 at the latest. One income has slowed us down, but the home life we’ve gained from me being at home is worth much, much more than any second income.
FI is a huge dream, one that we will reach. But not at the expense of our daily happiness. The normal age for retirement (outside the FI community, y’all) is 60’s. On our current trajectory, with no additional income, we will be there by 40. That’s 20 years earlier than average—on one income. Sure, we could do it by 32-35 with a second income, eating beans and rice, with no kids, travel or pets, but what’s the fun in living a life without any of that? Where’s the joy?
Everyone should have a list of their own, of things that are a pillar in keeping the joy of the journey. The journey is just as important as the destination. It makes you who you are, shapes you, creates your image of happiness. We have to remember that while FIRE is awesome and will be absolutely spectacular when we get there, we need to enjoy our life along the way.
Good post! We’re at a different stage (kind of in pre-retirement) but travel was always a big one for us. Before we made any money, we achieved that mainly through camping. Fast forward through the good years of my wife’s time in the travel industry, and after staying at the many Four Seasons and flying first class, I think we’d have to go back to Glamping…lol. But camping is not out of the question now. The rest of your list seems reasonable for keeping you on track to hit your goals. Thanks for posting!
I love camping! Still hoping to do that some, but may have to wait til we get to our bucket list goal of a camper to travel even more 😀. That’s definitely down the line though!
We already had one kid by the time we found out about FIRE. It makes me sad/frustrated when some bash the idea of having kids and don’t in order to speed up their retirement date. I wouldn’t have even found out about FIRE if we hadn’t had our first kid and they are the driving reason to achieve FIRE so they can be second generation FIRE :D.
Currently, we aren’t traveling much (that’ll happen with a 2.5 yr old and a 4 month old) but we don’t plan on that last much longer. We keep different trips part of our goals. No sense sitting at home for the next 13 years waiting for FIRE!
We were the same! It was after our first that our early retirement dream came about!
Yes, traveling with an infant is super tough ( unless yours is the magical awesome traveler…. none of mine were). We have a goal of going to all 50 states, so we keep travels happening, even if they aren’t super far yet. Getting all the close states for now!
Love this, Ember. I can relate to this on a lot of levels, namely kids, pets and SAHM/one income. Yes, we could get to our FIRE goal sooner without any or all of these, but for us, it would not be worth it in the slightest. Thanks for the great post and thanks for hosting it, Mr. AE!
Fully agree Cody! We love all the benefits of my being home, and the crazy kids and pets. It is why we do it! If you lose that in the journey, what’s the point?
I can relate with this post on so many levels. Our first child just turned one and I absolutely love her so much! I want to be able to do things with her (and hopefully one or two more kids) both now and when we are older. All of our children should be in college before we turn 50.
We’ve sacrificed a little on going out, but not entirely. We’ve been making really good meals at home together. We hope to couple some more travel in our schedules soon too!
Kids make us slow down and enjoy where we are, which is easy to miss when rushing towards early retirement. I am glad God pushed us into early parenthood (we weren’t truly trying, as we were still in college). It has made life so much more worth it!
Don’t worry. Traveling gets easier the older they get. But even smaller, they make you enjoy the trip…. but lower your expectations from what you’re used to. It’s a slower journey for sure! 🙂
A FI obsession isn’t fun. No amount of money can bring back the time missed. My husband and I crunch down a lot but dining out + Xmas is the two things we don’t give up.
I can totally relate to one income/SAHM thing… except we don’t have kids…what the hello am I doing with my life…>_> how in the world does Ms FAF do it…hahaha. Oh now I’m sort of depressed. When you’re a high flying blogger entrepreneur….can you give me a job Ember?! You can pay me in food 🙂
Haha As always, you crack me up Lily!!
What do you mean?? You are a high flying AirBnb entrepreneur!!! I need to come rent a place from you!
I can definitely pay you in food…do you enjoy desserts that always contain chocolate, southern BBQ, and southern food in general? I can hook you up and make you gain some weight!! 😉
I am so glad you guys are actually LIVING on your way to FI. The tendency when you first learn about FI is to go overboard because you are measuring all of you purchases against what that same money saved can net you down the line. I went through that phase and it was not a happy year. 😉 The more you settle into the groove it makes it easier to spend on what matters. Having a family is HUGE and something that shouldn’t be sacrificed. Food, travel, and pets – my top 3 favorite splurges!!
So true! It makes for unhappy living if you give up all the things you’re working towards. After our debt payoff, we went through a short make up for all our frugality by spending time. Luckily, it was relatively short lived and pretty small impact on our long term goals. We have definitely settled into a much more fulfilling groove for our family.
Live this. For us it was the house where we wanted. We are next door to some of our best friends in a great house. We could probably be done about three or four years earlier but it’s so worth it for us.
That’s awesome!! And when you do retire, it will be even better since you can enjoy those friends and the close proximity!!
I completely agree with you on almost all of these. The exception would be kids, I’m still undecided about having kids but the money I would save by not having them is certainly not the determining factor.
It’s so important to have balance in your life. For me, it’s more important to do the things I enjoy now and also be able to do them after I retire. Even if that means having to work a little longer.
Kids are a huge decision. And I think many people can make a larger impact if they listen to what God is telling them and go against the natural grain. Some people just aren’t meant to be parents, and that’s great! They can do so much in different ways than I can as a parent. Not letting the so called cost of kids be a determining factor—- that’s the way to go!!
This is a great post, and I’m glad you included eating out in your list, as it seems to be one thing that a lot of people in the FI community disparage. I also love eating out, and while I try to be careful with how much I spend, I am not willing to give up the enjoyment of it just so that I can get to FI a little earlier.
Oh yes! We’ve tried to cut it out, especially because so many in the FI community do put it down. But we just finally decided that we have to do it our way, so we can enjoy the journey. And for us, we just learn to eat out more frugally. We won’t give up the experience. 🙂
Nice post. We had similar thoughts about kids and traveling. We have three children (we were originally thinking about 5 or more!) and didn’t want to stop traveling once we had kids. We took them to France and Belgium when they were 2, 4 and 6, Greece when they were 6, 8 and 10, and China and Japan when they were 10, 12 and 14. Plus, a number of domestic (US) trips. All great trips, though obviously catering a bit more to the kids’ interests…
That’s incredible! I hope you have an ebook coming about traveling like that with kids!! 🙂 We dream of those trips, but haven’t ventured that far yet. We don’t plan to stop venturing anytime soon though!!